Queens Hotel Pub run 6 August 2006

Being a Leeds lad, my football fix began this weekend with a nice little Championship warm up win over Norwich on Saturday.  The winning ways continued on Sunday with a 5-0 win.  No, this one wasn’t a LUFC Championship scrap, but a scrap none the less. This team was sourced from the continent and Italys  finest came out on top.

Let me carry on just bit more. We all rolled up at Barrack St Jetty at about 11:30 on a dark and stormy morning – really. Over a dozen scoots risked the weather and total rollup was 13 or 14, “ riddin not kiddin”.

Bolties elusive GS turned back into pumpkin at the first drop of water and therefore he brought the PX along, Mark turned up on his newly acquired and very nicely put together and Seveta come SX 200. Ade- happy at last on his Li 186  , and myself brought along a mate of mine,  Simon (150VBB)  who wanted a look at PLSC. Always happy to see more Vespa’s.  A bloke and missus from Brum turned up to say hello and get in touch with us – he has a GP125 and an SX200 just arrived from UK.  So, all good so far then!

We made the epic journey of 5 K’s to the pub for a 12:00 start to proceedings. This is when it gets interesting. The scoots queued up in the middle of Beaufort St to turn right and park out the front of the Queens- as you do. Of course we made quite a distracting sight to the locals – all polished up and making a hell of racket to boot.

The traffic was pretty constant and one driver in the on coming lane decided to make a right turn (car A) – no problems there. The car behind paid attention (car B) and began to slow down- no problem there either. The third car in line (car C) - complete with ‘L’ plates was quite possibly looking at the noisy pretty things in the middle of the road – could be an issue here.  From here it all gets a bit pear shaped.

At this moment I was moving into the middle of road to cross over and park. However, our intrepid L plate driver in car C now decides to plough into the rear of car B at full speed, pushing it into the oncoming lane. So that’d be two cars knackered!

Now we’ve got an out of control Hyundai Excel coming sideways at a certain Blue and White Li 190 ridden by yours truly- Brown trouser moment imminent!. I was only tying to cross over, but bloody hell, I almost crossed over for real. I must admit, at this moment I was pretty much just a passenger as I was operating on automatic and in slow motion. In that instant I had given up on getting the scoot out of this in one piece.

I  “flicked” the scoot to my left to get out of the way of the bonnet and kicked my foot onto the drivers wing over the front wheel and slid the scoot down the side of car without the metal work touching. This worked, and I pushed the scoot out enough to clear the car, maybe the road was slippery enough, maybe it didn’t do anything , but it certainly seemed to,  that is until I got to the rear end of the  Excel two fifths of f*ck all seconds later. 

Now,  if you decide to install a Toyota station wagon into an Excels boot at 60 kph what happens is that all that quality metal and plastic turns into a lot of  pointy, jagged and generally fuc*ed up body work that comes out at all sorts of angles. Not the best when you’re surfing down the side of this vehicle at 40kph. So, this crap clips my side panel and gives me a shunt sideways - always fun on a tail heavy Lammy, but I caught it ok; possibly due to the practice I got riding my scoot to work at Burtons, and dealing with black ice etc.

By arse or artistry I then emerged out of the side of the pile up whilst around me several other cars decided this was too much fun to not be involved. The anti –lammy Excel Exocet (that’s car B to you), completed its road going existence by ramming into car A - that’s the stationary car trying to turn right.  Fair call too, as he’d missed me and obviously wanted a bit of revenge for his newly modified rear bodywork. So, the body count is now three.

Not satisfied with her first impressive effort, our L plated driver just couldn’t help herself. So, as she deflected off the Excels arse,  she promptly rammed her Toyota torpedo into a by-standing car trying to turn onto the road- bad timing that! That’d be four then!

Next, a little red car,  possibly a Hezbollah Katyusha –  noticing the carnage ahead looked for an indiscriminate place to pull over and promptly parked in the L Platers boot - that’d be Five now !

I suspect that this last car was also looking at the blameless, gob smacked Scooterists and their shiny, noisy, pride and joys. That’s something they’ll have to work out with the lads in blue.

We attracted the attendance of two large fire tenders, one ambulance, and two cop cars and had the street closed for an hour. So what’s the full time score I hear you say?, well the damage was five cars towed,  two or three for the last time. No injuries to any of the participants in proceedings. AND,  a one inch long scratch to my side panel, and paint scraped from the bottom edge and underneath  (work that out ) of the right hand side running board, no dents. So, full time score Lammy’s – 0, Cars – five. In Scooterist survival terms that’s a better result than our opener over Norwich.  

As names, addresses and breathalysers were being handed around I returned to look at the scene and get the Excel drivers details etc. About now I decided that as I was not material to the accident and there really isn’t anything worth worrying the insurance about,  I should perhaps return to an overdue and calming pint and the real proceeding’s of the day which were to set the PLSC event calendar for 2007.

Speaking of which we will load up the items you have requested,  and for the next month we’ll take your suggestions as to what, when and where you want to go to in 2007. All suggestions, by all members will be considered by your committee. Additionally I’d like to welcome new members Tom and now add in three new members being Alan Rini ( PX), Mark and Lynne  Parry ( SX150).

Cz and ride safe

El Presidente Nell